My Chronic Life

This is a continuing series which began with this post about the stages of grief and continued with a post on “Denial” , “Anger“ , “Bargaining“ and “Depression“. Looking at the diagnosis of a Chronic Illness in the framework of the stages of grief we’ll now look at the last stage which is Acceptance.

Accepting a chronic illness can take a long time. You may switch back and forth between the other stages even after you’ve reached acceptance. I do that quite often. Although I have accepted my health condition and can honestly say that it has been a blessing to me, I still get angry and depressed at times. That happens when I have a flare up or learn that my condition is getting worse for example. Sometimes it gets so that I want to pack up my Zero Halliburton luggage and run away. But what good would that do?

If you are seeking acceptance then you’re doing the right thing! If you realize that the other stages are keeping you stuck, you’ve made your first step. I’ll post more about how to reach acceptance in another post, so please stay tuned.

Please feel free to comment here about how you’re doing on your road to acceptance. I’d be happy to use your story of acceptance in my next blog post.

This is a continuing series which began with this post about the stages of grief and continued with a post on “Denial” , “Anger“ and “Bargaining“. Looking at the diagnosis of a Chronic Illness in the framework of the stages of grief we’ll now look at the fourth stage, Depression.

Depression is very common with all types of chronic illness. There is so much loss and grief associated with having a life long illness that can either totally change your life or create some kind of life altering situations.

For example, with me when I was diagnosed with one chronic illness it was bad enough, then to learn that I had more along the way made me very depressed. I also was very sad when I had to stop working.

I felt worthless, apathetic and unable to function as a parent or as a wife. I was hanging on to what I thought was important, my “old life” instead of moving forward and trying to find ways to cope.

Finally I sought help from a psychiatrist who helped me to realize that I was indeed depressed and it was normal. I began to take anti-depressants and go to counseling. I also sought the help of my Pastor and began to pray and read the Bible again.

I learned that I am still the same person inside, that my perfectionism only hurt me, that I needed to find something meaningful to do with my mind and my time and that if I began to feel more depressed at certain times that it was normal.

Now I find that if I get a bad report from a doctor that sometimes I get sad. If I have a flare-up, especially one that keeps me from doing the things I’m used to doing sometimes I begin to feel sorry for myself.

I’ve also learned that when I write, or help others, or take part in activities that I feel better. The simple things in life make me happy now. I love to look out my window and watch the birds. I am more aware of my daughters’ smiles and hugs and want more of them!

It used to be that money was important, that my needs included things beyond my family’s budget like Chevy grilles, expensive vacations or nice clothing. Now as long as I have my family and friends with me and my faith all is good.

Please see a doctor if your sadness is overwhelming, if you can’t see any hope and especially if you are thinking about suicide. There is help and it’s yours for the asking.

I wanted to do this post before beginning my series on the stages of grief. This is something I want to share to show that life does indeed go on and does so successfully even with multiple chronic illnesses.

I have been blessed with a loving and caring family, friends and church family. Some of my friends are from the internet, either from blogging or from forums or groups.

Although I have had rough times with my health and of course still do, I know that I can call on these people for help. All I need to do is ask for a favor and do it without any feelings of guilt. When I’m not down and out I can try to return the favor. If I can’t exactly return it I can pray for them, or call them to lift their spirits if they’re feeling down, etc.

Having love in my life is one of the most important things I need. My babydolls are there for me and show me care and concern that money can’t buy. God has truly blessed me.

Many people with a chronic illness spend a lot of time at doctors’ offices, labs, hospitals and at home, sometimes in bed not feeling well. I often feel that my life is all about the medical stuff. When someone invites me to a party or lunch I have to check my calendar to see if I can fit it in with all of the blood tests, doctor visits, etc. It gets frustrating pretty fast.

It’s very important then to take time for just you - to do something you enjoy, to relax, to feel pampered. I try every day to set aside an hour when I can read my Bible and pray. This is my quiet time.

I get my hair cut once a month and enjoy the time with my hairdresser. We chat and laugh. She knows just how I like my hair so I can sit back and let take care of me without any worries. I always have her wash my hair because that’s so relaxing to me.

Once a month I try to get together with friends to go out to lunch. We call this our “Diner’s club”. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive, just a new place each time.

If you’re feeling too sick to get out of the house, why not set the mood there? If you like to relax with music, put some on and light some candles. Call in for a meal, even if it’s pizza (get some extra toppings!).

You don’t have to be extravagant, like buying yourself luxury watches or expensive purses every month. Frugal is good too.

Just know that you deserve some pampering. It will lift your spirits and help you to cope with all of the other issues more easily.

I’ve been avoiding tear jerker movies and books for a long time. I’d much rather laugh than cry because when I laugh I feel good even if I’m having a terrible flare-up.

For those just not feeling well days, or the normal pain level days I try to laugh a lot. I make myself laugh and that shows how good my sense of humor is!

Hubby and I were talking the other day. What began as a serious conversation about the terrible real estate situation in our area turned into a laughing until I almost wet myself conversation.

After I mentioned that another home is up for foreclosure right around the corner, Hubby asked if I wanted to buy it. Here’s how the rest went:

Me: Sure we’ll use all the money we have in savings for the down payment. And we can use Peanut’s college fund for the mortgage.

Hubby: What will we do about the taxes and insurance?

Me: We’ll sell my medications on the street corner. People will see lots of prescription bottles. They won’t know what they’re for.

Hubby: Great! I’m sure that we can even save up for retirement on your meds. Maybe we can buy near a Branson private golf.

Me: I think we can own the golf course.

Find humor in something. There’s always someone who has it worse off than you.

When we have health concerns and we are overwhelmed, we may need to do something drastic to get ourselves back on track, to de-stress. If we’ve tried all of our normal stress relief measures (listening to music, spending a weekend in a hotel in Vegas, or doing yoga) and have even tried some new ones, we may need to seek the assistance of our regular doctor, or a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker or therapist. (For those of us that have a background based on faith we can speak to our clergy person first. Many do have training in counseling.)

Some of us may require medications for anxiety or depression or both. There’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t look at it as a stigma. Look at it as a necessary medical intervention. Sometimes anxiety or depression is reactive. For example we feel nervous or sad because our health has taken a turn for the worse, a loved one has died or we’re dealing with moving to a new place, etc. The medication may be needed just until we get over this area of stress. Sometimes we have a chemical imbalance in our brains that causes anxiety or depression. For this we may need to be on medication for long periods of time or for the rest of our lives.

We have so many health issues to deal with. Don’t leave out your mental health too!

Some of you know that I’m a native New Yorker. Not the upstate New York, the real NYC, New York. I was born and raised in the Bronx. I know very little about the outdoors. I don’t even like being outside (well unless it’s the beach, or Disney World). I’m used to city things like the subway, sidewalks, cabs that you can hail, parallel parking, etc.

Imagine my surprise when I learned about hunting blinds. I’ve never heard of them, didn’t know what they were or what they’re used for. When I first saw the words I thought they were window blinds.

Now I understand that they are used when hunting to hide in. They’re like huts in a way, in a city girl’s way. Finding ones that are made of quality material is important because when you hunt you’re outside in the elements. Maybe this New Yorker can learn some more about the big bad outdoors.

Time is really flying by too fast. I can’t believe that it’s 2008. I’m still making mistakes and writing 2007! I went shopping recently and saw the Valentine’s Day display up. My goodness, that’s coming up in a few weeks.

I am not prepared as usual. Hubby and I don’t go overboard on Valentine’s Day gifts but like to do something small for our daughters and for each other. We’re trying to stretch our money as usual so finding a site that offers coupons is helpful.

For our daughters I was thinking of giving them a photo I took of them together. I found a site that has Snapfish deals so I can have the photo printed. I can even have one sent to Lady Ali from Snapfish so there’s no need for me to get the photo from them and then send it again.

There’s not many romantic things that Hubby would like so I think I’ll look for something that he collects instead. His sports collection hasn’t had any new additions in a while. I found some MLB.com discount coupons. This will work perfectly.

How do dentists, their assistants and dental hygienists do it? How can they understand a person when their mouth is either wide open, full of dental tools and hands or numbed?

I guess it’s part of the job description. Or maybe it just becomes a skill you learn as you work in the dental field. I got to see this skill in action the other day. And I was really impressed.

Peanut had oral surgery. She had to have a baby tooth removed that was under the gum and preventing her molar from coming in. The tooth was lodged in there pretty good because the dentist had to cut it into four pieces before he could remove it.

Of course it was traumatic for Peanut (she actually did well in a Valium haze) and for Hubby and me. The worst was seeing them put her IV in. I have a new found respect for parents of children who are really sick. My faith tells me I could handle it, but wow it would be the most difficult thing I’d have to do.

Any way, Peanut was done and they were trying to wake her from the anesthesia. It was taking a while. When we got in there to see her. She was crying and talking. She was talking a lot. She had gauze in her cheek as well as a numbed side of her face. But the nurse or assistant was talking back to her. Peanut would say something to me or Hubby and we’d look at the woman to translate.

I look back on it now and it was hilarious. Here we are her parents and not understanding a word she said. Thank goodness she feel asleep on the way home and then most of the day. I’d hate to ask her, “What did you say?”

I’d like to wish all of my blogging friends a safe and Happy New Year!

Enjoy, be blessed and be careful!