Prompt: Dear 16-year-old-me. Write a letter to yourself at age 16. What would you tell yourself? What would you make your younger self aware of?

Background info: At the early age of 16, I had already started drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana. I believe I began experimenting with other drugs later that year too. And my dating life was in full swing. Panic attacks would rarely hit, but when they did they were bad enough to make me feel faint and unable to be around others.

Dear 16 Year Old Me,

Your beauty is unfolding, but you still believe that you look hideous. Your family life is in constant turmoil and  instead of talking about it, you cover those feelings by getting drunk or high. Your refuge is going out on the weekends and going to school (as much you tell everyone you hate it). Able to eat anything and not gain an ounce, you cry wishing you looked normal instead of thin. The teasing by girls and even worse by boys is incessant and you take every jeer to heart.

Look around at those friends who love you, who stick up for you. Those are people who care about you. When your parents fight, it isn’t your fault. Don’t take the blame. Learn to accept them for who they are: incapable of giving affection, but loving parents with issues of their own. If it gets to be too much to handle, talk to your favorite teacher. She would listen and get you help.

When you feel that fear creeping in, don’t stifle your feelings. Let your mother know. She understands because she has anxiety too and so does your younger sister. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Eat and enjoy it! Think of what those bullies will look like just 5 or 10 years from now. While you’ll stay thin for a long time and have curves in the right places. They’ll be wishing they could be like you when the pounds start adding on.

Live in the moment, naturally. You never know what the future will bring and that lesson will come in very handy one day.

And most of all, love yourself. You are funny, smart, a good friend, a loving daughter and sister, and pretty.

Image Credit – http://imgfave.com/view/517345

An attitude adjustment has been necessary for some time now. I’ve noticed that I linger on things, harbor them inside for a long time which causes me who knows how much stress and anxiety. In the end all this does is make me sicker. Do I need or want sicker? No thank you!

So my attitude adjustment comes via realizing that my mother is 79 years old, my oldest daughter will soon be 22 and is getting married next year, my other daughter is almost 10 and my life is flashing before my eyes. Instead of focusing on the hurtful things I want to put my energy into the loving moments and create more of them.

I’ve begun to find small ways to be more kind to my family. I believe that I am more caring and considerate of other people than the dearest and most loved people in my life. It was an easy habit for me to get into. I always try to smile and not complain about things but when I’m home or talking on the phone to family and friends, I let it all go. They hear all about my problems, how much I hurt and I feel it’s acceptable to get angry with them because they love me and should understand.

As tough as this is, I’m trying my best to stop. I’ve asked my husband to call me out on it when I start. If I’m not happy about something I can quietly talk to him about it but not let him take the brunt of everything. I do need an outlet for my feelings so I plan on using my blog, or a journal, prayer and as I said talking over things with family, but not barraging them with complaints.

I feel better already just recognizing this and wanting to work on it.