After being in a bad flare since the beginning of January, I have to admit that I am feeling depressed. As time is flying by, I still feel stuck. I try to stay upbeat, pray, do all I can to keep my mind busy, but I still feel down. I am feeling a lot better, but not back to how I felt before.

When I saw my Psychiatrist, he recommended that I start counseling again. My meds can’t be changed or increased and he believes that this depression is reactive to my health issues. When I talk to him, it’s nice to not have to explain any of my medical conditions to him. He is a neurologist as well as a Psychiatrist so he understands what Myasthenia Gravis is, what symptoms I have and how it affects my life. He keeps up to date on medical issues and knows the medications that I take and what they are for.

Although I speak to him for a good twenty minutes, it is only every 3 months. So now I’ll be adding counseling visits to my plethora of doctor visits. I do think that this is a good thing for me though.

When I was first diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis I distinctly remember being so frightened. I couldn’t tell you of exactly what my fear was based, but it was an overwhelming fear. It was as if someone had pulled a seat out from under me and I was falling into a deep, deep hole.

The fear turned into panic as my mind wrapped around all of the information that came with the knowledge of learning about the symptoms, the outlook and the treatment. When my neurologist recommended a Thymectomy as the main treatment to prevent the MG from worsening and to attempt to lessen the symptoms and the progression of symptoms, I felt trapped like a brown recluse spider trap.

I knew logically this was the best approach to take but at the same time I didn’t want to go through a major procedure that is like open heart surgery. I wanted to run away. I wanted to wake up and learn this was all a bad dream.

Making this decision wasn’t really that difficult as I first thought it would be. At that time my daughters were 16 and 5. I knew I wanted to be as healthy as possible for them as well as for me. So I chose the surgery. It was tough, but it was worth it.

When first being diagnosed with a life altering disease, don’t feel shocked that you are frightened and feeling trapped. Talk to your doctor, get help from family and friends and seek the help of a counselor if necessary, especially if you have difficult decisions to make.